What I Did Drank on My Summer Vacation
by TwentyEverything
-Margarita
-Long Beach
-Vodka Tonic
-Gin & Tonic
-Gin Fizz
-White Russian
-Sex on the Beach
-Mai Tai
-Bahama Mama
-Screwdriver
-Cranberry Vodka
-Lazarus
-Matt's Gross Concoction (rum, vodka, orange juice, and Red Bull, shudder)
-Dano's Gross Concoction (triple sec, tequila & peach tree schnapps, again, shudder)
-Pain in the Ass
-Beer (about ten varieties)
-Wine (more than a few bottles)
*disclaimer: the above cocktails merely reference the types of drinks that I consumed during my blissful vacation. The singularity of the names does NOT mean that I only consumed one of that particular beverage.
So the vacation? It was splendiferous. Going back to work afterwards? Not quite as lovely. So let's at least start with the splendiferous part.
(I just wrote a paragraph that was so boring and unnecessary that I had to delete it and start again). So here goes the shorter and funnier version: Laura, Colleen and I drove down to NC separate from everyone else and in the middle of the night. (The reasons are long and boring so they don't make the story.) Leaving at 3:30 a.m. on just a few hours of sleep might sound insane, but really, in the end, it was BRILLIANT. Apparently it took our counterparts upwards of six hours to get to the Outer Banks. Us? We made it in like 4.5. Or at least, we would have if we had not been pulled over for speeding. But whatever.
We got to the house around 9:30 or so and commenced the drinking. As far as I was concerned, it was vacation and there is no better way to kick off a vacation than to start4 drinking while most normal members of society are still in bed. (This is a motto that I carried throughout the week). I was pretty trashed and uppity by lunchtime. Following some life-saving gatorade, I was back in action and on my way to the beach.
For those of you who don't know this, I grew up on the shore. The beach is a mere four miles away. I am used to waves, sand, undertows, etc. The beach in the Outer Banks? It kicked my ass. Like all over the place. I'd like to blame it on the fact that I was likely still intoxicated, but alas, I was all over the place. After successfully catching a wave bodysurfing, I got slammed into the shore. Legs went flying, my boob was scrapped horrifically against the bottom (I emerged with merely a wound, poor Kallie practically lost her nipple - this was serious folks), it was insanity. After about five minutes of having my legs up in the air and my head pulled back underwater, I managed to stand and make my way back to our seats. Much to the chagrin of everyone, I brought back about half of the beach with me.
Seriously? Pebbles the size of gumballs somehow made their way into my bathing suit, about ten pounds of sand were left on the bathroom floor when I took a shower and there were piles of sand in the bottom of the swimming pool. When I put on my bathing suit Sunday morning to go to the pool, it STILL had sand in it - a full week later. It was crazy.
Anyways, we made our way back to the house and the booze. And we drank. And drank. And drank some more. I had many drinks. Far too many to recollect. So many that I found the fact that I walked into the latch of the pool gate so hysterical that I missed a step and ripped apart my ankle. On second thought, it was probably the game of naked volleyball in the pool at 1 a.m. that I found so funny. All of a sudden a normal friendly game of pool volleyball became a lot more friendly when bathing suits were tossed aside and I saw more of my friends than I ever really needed to.
Needless to say, I hobbled up the two flights of stairs and begged for ice for my foot. I even hobbled outside to smoke what would be among the first of the thousands of cigarettes of the week. I even took my back medicine in the hopes that it would help my ankle. Let me just tell you that taking muscle relaxers, naproxen and codeine after about a dozen cocktails is in fact a bad idea. I will leave it at that.
The next few days are a drunken blur. White Russians in the morning (hey, they have milk, see, it's ok to drink them at 10 a.m.) poolside. Lots of sun. Each night, a different three people cooked dinner. We had homemade authentic Chinese, Mediterranean, lasagna, tacos, crabs, breakfast for dinner. It was all delicious. Tuesday night we did a power hour. It was among the most fun hours of my life. Kallie, Deb, myself and Alicia ended up with food and beer boxes on our heads. I will include a picture as soon as someone sends one to me.
We went out to a bar one night. Some sketcho man tried to hit on us, ended up buying us all shots and gave me his card. In the event I'm ever looking for a PR job in New York City, I'm to give him a call. When he turned away, I stole his brand new beer. Mwah. Ha. Ha. I danced a bit with Dano, who, a short time before, randomly ordered a lobster at 11 p.m. at the bar. And paid about a million smackers for it. It was weird. Laura and I capped off the week with a 10 a.m. power hour on Friday morning.
The week was a hazy mess of fun - lots of time spent in the pool, trips through the Brew-Thru, adventures in bartending and great games. I learned how to play Phase 10 - a game that all of you will be subjected to at some point in the future. All in all, I was so sad to see the week come to an end. My body on the other hand, couldn't have been happier. Too much food, WAY too much booze, naughties and pain. I think I maintained at least a small buzz through the whole week, and I was blindsided by a horrible hangover Saturday morning on my way back to MD. A short nap, a huge bottle of water and a bag of pretzels helped to keep it in check. I spent the rest of the day depressed and in bed. I hate coming back from vacation.